‘A connection is a relationship between two things, people or groups’ [britannica]. It sounds so simple, but it can be so complicated. Oh yes, connections… they are a funny thing, aren’t they? We need them, but do they always do us good? Do they bring us energy or take our energy? Do we (try to) stay connected because it feels right or because it seems to be expected, respectively, “the right thing” to do? Did it become a habit to stay connected no matter what? Do we listen to our gut when it comes to connections?
I’m aware that I try to keep up some connections where it feels like “I’m barking up the wrong tree”. But, even if it’s hard to accept at times, it’s actually nobody’s fault. After all, we live in a fast-paced world. And hey, this expat life with regular moves happening (either me or the other person) doesn’t make it easier. But even if you don’t live an expat life let’s be honest and acknowledge that sometimes life just happens, people change or go different paths. But it’s hard at times, isn’t it? Despite our best intentions, we might struggle to connect, to stay connected or realize that what fitted once just doesn’t anymore.
Yeah, when it comes to connections that don’t click the way we hoped, start to fade out or do not do us good, I’d love to say that we can step away with no hard feeling. But who am I kidding? It’s always a tough one. After all, connections are about feelings – the heart-feeling!
And when the heart gets involved, it can be tricky and messy to accept changes, no matter how long – or short – you know a person. But as said, people go on different life paths and have other priorities. We all change, and that can simply, or not so simply, lead to distance if not even disconnect.
And who hasn’t been in a situation where stepping away might hurt initially but free you at the end. Or where we were trying to cling to connections and seek relationships even though the signs (and gut feelings) were there that it wasn’t the right fit.
We know it, but sometimes, we might not want to hear or feel it:
Not all connections are meant to be;
not every connection is a good fit;
not every connection is meant to last
– and that is ok.
When I thought about it all, I had this vision of sitting at a table, holding a cup of coffee. I share moments sipping the cuppa with people around me. But there are only so many sips you can take while you share a cuppa. And there are only so many spots one can hold at the table to share and keep a meaningful connection with.
It’s just natural that we choose, and we should choose wisely. And as I choose my connections, others choose theirs. Sometimes, we cross paths, sit and stay at the same table while sipping our cups, and at other times, we sit at different ones, some near, some far. Sometimes we share the table again, at others we prefer to keep to our own table, or try others. And if you are like me, you have times when you simply enjoy and need a cuppa on your own, connecting to just yourself.
If we want to go about this with no hard- but heart- feeling, how about we learn to embrace all connections, even the tough ones; they certainly teach us something. How about we are more compassionate to ourselves and the connections we have and had; to accept and learn from the lows and highs, the leavers and stayers, the takers and the givers, the haters and lovers, the judgers and supporters, by giving more energy to the later of each.
After all, we are all just navigating our journey of life. Creating, maintaining and losing connection is part of that journey and can be a delicate dance. Make sure you have your flow in your dance. A dance that will take you forwards and backwards, left and right, up and down, turn and swirl…with a smile. And if I am, was or will become part of your dance, whether short or long, I am grateful for it.
Find your ease in the dance of life and connections,
And may we share a cuppa one day,
With love
AK