When I don’t trust myself… I start doubting everything

Trust…was my word to ponder on throughout April. It could have taken me into many directions yet, what I kept coming back to was what it means to trust myself.

Not trusting myself (enough) often leads to doubt and mistrust towards many other areas in life too. It’s as well then when all the second guessing kicks in… towards my own judgment, my boundaries (setting and keeping them)…my values and beliefs…being too skeptical towards others…just to name a few. 

And all this does certainly not help in feeling more at ease…nor does it help in regards to self trust.

Plus…if we don’t trust ourselves, who will?

And I get it, it’s not easy at times. Life tends to throw us curveballs.

Over the years with all the moves and the different dynamics in each phase (living alone, with my husband, with babies, with younger kids, with teens,…) self trust was tested…and at times we might lose it.

I remember too many moments where I knew something didn’t feel right… and I still went against it or didn’t say anything. Only to go back to it later and think – why the heck didn’t I trust myself there?

Or those times when others were simply kind and helpful… yet I caught myself second guessing it, holding back, mistrusting and missing the chance for deeper connection.

And now, as we get older and…wiser… self-trust can easily get another hit at times.

There are so many changes we are going through. I’m not just talking about hormonal changes, but also the overall shifts that come with midlife.

• Our kids are becoming adults.
• Career focus might be changing.
• Parents are aging (and passing).
• And then let’s not forget that our partners are going through their own changes (even though… let’s name it like it is…most men say they don’t change…).
• and so much more

It’s not always easy and it’s a lot! And yes, it can feel uncomfortable and we might fall back into doubt rather than trust. 

But deep down you know it…when things change, whether intentionally or unintentionally, there is movement. And with movement there is change, and with change doubt often creeps in. 

And that doubt…it often speaks so much louder than trust.
But that’s also the moment where we can catch ourselves.

Where we allow trust to stand tall again.
Where we support ourselves again.
Where we take a pause, lean in and listen to ourselves. 

Let me share a few things that have worked for me when it comes to building self-trust. Not just in April, but as an ongoing practice.
Perhaps some will speak to you:

• Observe how I talk to myself (building myself up instead of pushing myself down)
• Take smaller, but consistent steps
• Pay attention to what my body tells me and how it reacts in certain situations
• Cut out the “outside noise” when it gets too loud (less socials, less news…) 
• Set and stick to boundaries (towards myself too, not only others)
• Celebrate my (even small!) wins instead of rushing to the next thing
• Take time for myself to reflect

Does it always work?
No. But knowing that I have it in me, that I can always go back to it, does.

Here is to self-trust, one day at a time, over and over again. 

And to finding your ease, wherever you are

With love, 

AK 

And while you are here, why not hop over to my Instagram where I share a (almost) daily photo with reflection, thoughts, inspiration on life through the lens of a midlife female expat.