No matter how you call it, may it being mindful, being aware or in the moment. All this is easy(er) to practise and believe in when we are in a good spot, when it all runs smooth.
But it is the moments when life throws us a curve-ball that we tend to drop it all.
It is in those moments we often think all this is just a lot of “ empty talk”.
It is in those moments we think it is all a lot of BS.
It is in those moments that we doubt.
It is in those moments we may drop it all.
But- it is in those moments we need it the most!
Sounds familiar?
Then you are not alone as I am feeling like that, too. I slowly start to learn to let go and to use the mindfulness practise especially in the tough moments. And it is then that I feel and recognise the true benefit of it all. But I have to admit I do not find it easy, this letting go, going deep when I am feeling low already.
After all, it means to admit fully to our emotions and feelings. We have to allow to be really vulnerable – even if just to ourselves. This is hard, after all we are supposed to have it all together, we are meant to be strong.
I recently had this “curve-ball” experience again and in my usual manner I took it all tough, controlled, pushed it away, with a “just accept and keep going” attitude. But where did that leave me? I ended up all tensed up, frustrate and irritated. Not only about the situation itself but as well doubtful about myself and all the tools I learned and things I believe in! It was a mess.
Truth to be told I was simply running away from my own feelings. The problem is that if we run, and keep running, there always comes a time when we are out of breath, can`t run anymore. There comes the moment (sooner or much later) when it all simply gets too much and we crash, reach an (emotional) burn out.
But I did not want that to happen. Instead, I literally told myself to stop! I sat down (in a relaxed bath), and told myself to simply allow to feel. To let my thoughts and feelings come and go, without any judgement or criticism towards myself.
I knew that I would not be able to change the situation but by simply (or not so simple actually) allowing my emotions, feelings and thoughts I released a lot of pressure on myself. Letting it all flush over me, all the frustration, the helplessness, the unfairness did help to relieve some of the stressors. Then there came a point when I noticed a shift in my thoughts and in my body. Instead of losing myself and sinking low I started to be able to concentrate on myself, on how I can chose to react, how I can take a different look onto the situation from within. This left me feeling stronger, motivated and calmer.
Too often we have situations that we can`t change ourselves, situations that leave us exhausted, tired, frustrated and worn down. We may not be able to change the outer influences, but we can chose and have to learn to look at how we react to them. It may not change the situation but it can change so much for yourself!
As for me, no, the situation itself did not change but by allowing myself to go into it, allowing myself to fall deep, I started to feel more grounded and balanced again. So even if nothing really changed from the outside, it was me who felt stronger and more in control again. And that changed everything!
Where I am going with all this? I want to make you aware to go down the mindfulness / awareness path especially in the tougher moments. It is then that the real benefit of it all will show!
Scary? Yes! Painful? Sure, it can be! Easy? No, not at all. Daunting? Yep! Empowering? Absolutely!
Never forget that vulnerability is not a weak spot,
it is from that point that true strength comes through!
Yours,
AK