A few weeks ago I started a Bi-weekly Mindfulness Newsletter. I include formal and informal practices and hope to bring a sense of ease into the inbox. I chose bi-weekly to not be overwhelmed and to give time to focus on one topic. For today I would like to share my recently newsletter here, too, as it was my recent staying “at ease” experience.
***
5th Mindfulness Newsletter
Don`t let others take your “ease” away
Dear all,
I hope you experimented a bit with the formal Mindfulness practises I shared, the mindful walking and eating?
We have been away the weekend and I may say several conditions where far from good – I won`t even talk about perfect! But I needed a few days away from the city with some nature and just family. I worked hard to not let incidents that were beyond my control affect me too much. It wasn’t easy I have to say that. But I knew as well that if I started to dwell on them it would ruin the days.
So, instead I took a few deep breaths at the beach and decided to make the best out of it. To acknowledge a few things, register them for what they were, that I could not change them and to focus more on every good moment for those days!
Did I mention that one of my issues were quite a lot of spiders in the house (and I am not talking about mini ones) and that those creatures freak me out? I was rather close on packing it all up again on day one. But that would mean no days at the beach and even more tension with everybody. On top, I had the kids with me, so what example would I set there. After all it is me telling them to enjoy nature, oops…
So, deep breathing and refocusing (and a bit of “faking it”) was my go-to for those days. It was tough but I was determined, to neither let spiders nor several other issues take away my “ease”. But I was still glad when we packed our stuff and drove off!
At times it is not “only” spiders that unsettle us. People and circumstances take over our thoughts and make us feel down, scared, frustrated and more. By nature we tend to dwell on those negative thoughts, allow them to take over.
Becoming aware of what or who drags you down – what and who brings negative thoughts – is a big step in mindfulness thinking. I like these quotes by Susan Bauer-Wu in that context:
“It’s important to emphasise that noticing negative thoughts through mindfulness is not merely a passive process. Noticing the thoughts allows you to take action. You gain the insight and then you can do something about it.”
“Another benefit of mindfulness is having less emotional reactivity and more stability of mind. Not overreacting emotionally brings greater mental clarity, which is healthy in and of itself.”
For the next two weeks I ask you to pay attention if you follow a negative thought pattern. Acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Go deeper. See if you can approach the situation differently, in a less emotional way but instead with more acceptance. Notice any changes that it may set free in regards to your feelings, emotions and how you handle the situation.
Try to not let circumstances and people wash away your ease!
I know all this is not easy and at times it may sound like a lot of BS as we do face situations that are just awfully tough. And I struggle at times on how to be mindful then. I assume that is the ultimate mindful approach to life? But what I did notice since starting with mindfulness is that I do shrug some things off more easily, they affect me less deeply. I therefore believe that if we start with small steps in our daily life we will eventually see the bigger picture sooner or later.
Wishing you that you manage to stay “at ease”.
AK
After thought:
And if you do struggle please do not struggle alone. Reach out to those around you. I found that people are more willing to be there for you and less judgemental than we may think. But they need to know that you need help, even if just a hug or a listening ear! This was a big learning step and acceptance for me as I usually do not want to “bother” anybody! Meanwhile though, I am a strong believer that we get stronger when we open up and share what is going on and that we may need help! I do believe and want to share that “Being vulnerable makes you stronger not weaker!”
***
If you want to be part of my bi-weekly Mindfulness Newsletter please drop me a line at
ateaseandmore@gmail.com
Have a lovely day
AK