It was the time of the year again when I led my mind wander, to see what it brings to me in regards to my intention for the year to come. As mentioned in a previous post, the intention for “own it” for 2019 took a different turn over the year. In a good way at the end, just different than when I set out with that intention as the year started 12 months ago. So, I’m curious what the term LIGHTNESS will bring to me in 2020. Will it be the way I think about lightness just now, or different at the end? And wow, not only a New Year but as well a new decade. Exciting somehow, no?
Lightness popped up only about two weeks ago, just before Christmas. I was reflecting on the previous years and realised how I often felt kind of heavy, dull. Not in terms of bodyweight but in my mind, my thoughts, actions and feelings. I know I lost my easiness somewhere over the years. I find myself feeling too serious, too forced, too overthinking and I can’t say that I particularly like that. I’m missing the spring, the real joy inside myself on how I approach or react to certain things and situations.
It might not always show on the outside, but over time we all get good in hiding, keeping those darker parts of us inside, no? But let’s open up! Let us get some more light into the darker areas so that they lose their power, their heaviness and darkness!
To be honest, I wasn’t really sure if lightness was the correct term I was aiming for. But the word itself settled quickly and deeply inside of me. You know that moment when you just know something feels right – when you take a really really deep breath and feel contentment, from within. Just thinking about the word made me feel lighter and smile. So yes, “lightness” was settled even before I thought about the deeper meaning of the word. But checking the dictionary it was clear to me that this word was just what I was looking for. After all, it is as well used to describe
- lack of pressure, force, or heaviness
- the quality of being gentle or delicate in style
- the quality of requiring little mental effort; lack of depth or seriousness
- the quality of being easily borne or done
That feeling that the word creates within me is the feeling I want to cultivate for myself this year, in regards to both my personal and business approach!
You see, I realised how I discourage myself before I even start. There are too many moments where I don’t give things, situations a real shot. I block my feelings, my emotions right away.
In other situations, I get far too serious instead of seeing the fun, the easiness in the situation. I’m good with the easiness and all with my kids but not so much towards myself or at times towards my husband and occasionally when I’m around others. I simply got too somber around and inside myself.
Then not to forget the moments when I lose my lightness completely due to other people’s opinions and behaviours. (Here the redirection of “own it” came in helpful this year). All the overanalyzing that tends to start in my head changes my initial way of how I would have approached situations if I would have been able to be free-er in my mind.
So yes all this causes a certain kind of heaviness inside of me. And I don’t want to feel like that anymore. I don’t struggle with my wellbeing overall but something is off balance for sure. I used to have a good sense of fun sarcasm, I – and even my husband – miss that part of me. It’s all about this deep situated feeling inside, you know what I mean? Too often I feel a bit too gloomy, too forced, too heavy and simply not as easy as I would like to feel. Yes, I became too earnest along the way.
So in my year of “lightness” I want to feel more spark, more joy, more light, more curiosity and more easiness from deep within.
Yes, this is what lightness will be about for me! How that all will manifest? I guess time will tell!
Now, that all makes me wonder, do you have a word or a motto for the year? If so, please share it and its meaning in the comment.
Here is to an exciting New Year and decade.
From the deepest of my heart, thank you for being here with me.
And don’t forget to create your own ease – no matter where you are!
AK