Is a happy life the ultimate goal?
Over the passed weeks I somehow got into several discussion around the theme of “happiness and chasing a happy life”. And to be honest I do struggle with the wordings and the constant usage of “happy and happiness” these days.
What does it mean and is that really the one thing we should aim for or does it set us up for failure and additional pressure?
How often do we hear or read about “choosing a happy life”. Hm, I dare to challenge that and dare to say that we may lie to ourselves if we talk like that and that we add pressure not only to us but as well on the people around us.
For one, life simply is not always happy, shit does happen. And it does in fact take more courage to admit to not be happy, to admit to struggle instead of putting up a smiling face day in day out and say “All is great. I am happy!”.
Second, what is the scale for happiness? Yes we are somehow all the same, yet we are all very different, too. What makes person A happy does not have to make person B happy. Who am I to tell somebody to be happy, or criticise for being unhappy? And yes, there are a few notorious people out there who really never want to see the positive and do not want to be happy, but those are not the majority.
Third, why should we put ourselves under more pressure of aiming for the constant happiness, it is ok to not always be happy.
Forth, if we say we want to be happy and chose to only see the happy things we may hurt and put off others who simply can’t do that for some reason. And are those people most often not the ones that would need our support in that moment? The person who struggles needs a listening ear more then ever. Should I ignore him/her because she does not fit into my happiness mode?
Fifth, it seems nowadays that we are ungrateful if we say we are not happy, as if there is no reason to complain. But come on, life is tough and hard and challenging at times, it isn’t always full of sunshine.
Now, don’t misunderstand me, I am far from saying we should all live unhappy lives but we should keep it real and be honest that being happy cannot be a constant. Take this pressure away from us.
Being happy is situational.
And that means the following for me:
If I manage to create and experience a lot of good, joyful, memorable, fulfilling, honest moments then I managed to create a lot of happiness. But in between these moments there will be cracks, downs, struggles, pain, fear, worries and it is ok and necessary to admit this. It will suck in between being happy. That is what life is all about, sometimes it tips more to the one and sometimes more to the other side and in between we balance it out.
We should aim for doing our best and stay strong especially when going through tough times but that means as well to admit when it it is rough; ask for help. Receiving help in tough situation can bring happiness to the person in need!
We should try to learn from tough moments and if possible try to turn them into something better and try to stay positive. But it is ok if we do not always succeed in it!
And when we are in a strong place we should reach out and support those who may struggle, be there and listen to them,not judging them!
Let’s take the pressure away of always having to be happy and to always have to chose happiness. Let’s keep it real and honest with its ups and downs!
If I can say at the end that I managed to balance my life and that I felt ‘at ease’ most of the times, my dearest and I stayed healthy and I have lot of happy memories to look back at then I had a happy life.
In this context, go out and make a happy memory today for yourself or reach out to somebody, however big or small it may be,
have a lovely day
AK